Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
