You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
