On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
