i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
