3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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