Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
