Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
