Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
