Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
