I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
