This dress was meant to end up on your floor
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i've created a new STD.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Congratulations! We have a period
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