I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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