i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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