i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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