i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
