pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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