I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
