How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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