i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This is not my ceiling
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How does one acquire holy water?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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