oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
