youre lurking in front of me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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