i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
