Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
