you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
