Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
