He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I want to fling myself into the sun
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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