i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
