I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm passing your future prison.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
