Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
