I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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