his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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