She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
