He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
