Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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