I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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