You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
