this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
