i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize