I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
