i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
