there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
