So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
