I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
