if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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