my phone needs a breathalizer
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
