I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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