Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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