i would one night stand the shit outta him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
