How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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