I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
