Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
