You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
