You can't special order awesome
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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