did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
