dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
