i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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