bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
false alarm, still single
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