I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize