were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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