i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
