yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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