I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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