those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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